Life

I stink at this blogg thing. Oh well I have a lot going on. We are selling our house, we have to find a place to live very, very soon. The boys have been trading being sick for the last month. Somehow I need to get the house cleaned up and packed but, I'm really unsure as to how I'm going to get it done. I know I'll find a way. We finally got our taxes done last week. We have Christian's B-day coming up along with a ton of family B-days. Keri is expecting #4 and we are very excited also my brother Todd is expecting his 1st both babies are expected around the 16th of April. We also have Kenzie, Jill and Xander's B-days in April as well. I guess April will just be one big party. :) I also have a doc appt coming up where they will do another biopsy on my thyroid. Th cyst is still growing and they want to remove it and make sure it's not cancerous. So we'll see how that goes. The surgery will be scheduled after my appt sometime on the 22nd of April. I still can't believe we are at the end of March this is nuts! I'm ready for warm weather and I yearn for it.

As far as the family goes. Ender is getting bigger, he is turning out to have quite the personality. He growls a lot and gets pretty angry when he feels he's being neglected. He is always happy to be held and played with. He doesn't however enjoy playing by himself very much. Todd was very opposite to this. He is saying da da da still and now he is saying no no no. Other than that he is mostly interested in blowing raspberries. He has 2 bottom teeth and still lacking in the hair department. He's getting around but he isn't crawling yet. For some reason he is taking his good old time. Christian is a hoot! This little boy makes us laugh every day. He is huge, he weighs just as much as Todd and is almost a foot shorter. He is talking so much, he says everything and he is a very fast learner. He loves life and food. Todd is growing like a weed. He is so tall. He is venturing out of the toddler clothes and into the little boy clothes and it breaks my heart. He is a master manipulator and is quite good at trying to get his way all the time. Nate and I find ourselves having to stay quite a few steps ahead of him at all times. He is quite exhausting this way. He love to play the wii and is getting really good at it. He is very imaginative. I saw him putting a sticker on his foot the other day and asked him what he was doing and he said " this is my power of the priesthood" Then he proceeded to pretend to kick Christian down. I have no idea where he gets these ideas. I have been talking to him over the last few weeks about us moving to get him prepared. When I told him we were moving to a new house he misunderstood. He thought we were picking up the house we live in now and putting it somewhere else. He told me he could help because he has strong muscles. I explained that we had to pack up the house not pick up the house. They all make life fun.

Nate is still with Symantec and doing well. We struggled with the decision on where to move and still aren't 100%. Like always he is a rock and doesn't let the stress of life affect his demeanor. I on the other had feel the need to balance out his perfectly cool attitude with my opposite freak out attitude. I guess he's the ying and I'm the yang. What can I say. :) At any rate we are doing well we are ready for the changes (I hope), and we are excited to start a new chapter in the life of the Keith family.

Friendship

I've been having a lot of struggles lately, not with anything super major or life threatening or scary. I'm just trying to figure out why I end up in friendships that often seem so one sided. How is it that things seem to only go one way. To be honest I think I'm a fun and interesting person to hang out with. I never seemed to have a problem finding friends when I was in High School or even college. Maybe I should say that I do have a few friends but, all of my really good and true and honest friends seem to live far away. My entire life I've had a "best friend" that "bosom friend" like Anne of Green Gables. When you do have friends like this I then you really have to treasure them. Of course I have an awesome relationship with my husband and ultimately Nate is my very best and closest friend. Sometimes though you just need a "girl-friend". The kind of friendship that is effortless to maintain because you are always willing to do anything for them. You know that they would be there for you when your in a pickle. Maybe I should just stop trying to be best friends with family because that is where all the frustration and heart ache seems to come from anyway. Maybe the problem is just ME. Maybe, thats the answer. Maybe I'm not a good friend, or maybe I don't know how to be a good friend. This can't be right, I've always been a loyal and giving and compassionate friend. I genuinely care about people and what they are going through. I pray for my friends when they are struggling and I hurt when they are hurting. I just don't understand. I was able to spend the entire day with a "bosom friend" between the 2 of us we have a bunch of kids. :) She was having a difficult time, her family is just getting over the flu, her house was a disaster, she is supposed to leave for a 2 week trip tomorrow morning and she wasn't packed, laundry wasn't done and she was overwhelmed. I just happened to have all the kids up and ready really early this morning and when she called at 9am we were out the door w/in 15 minutes and even though she lives an hour away we all went. I took soup, childrens's tylenol and motrin, I also took chocolate chip cookies I made yesterday. I got there and the kids started playing in the play room and I rolled up my sleeves and went to work. I was there 6 hours and by the end of the day the work was all done and she was all packed and by looking at her you could see that the weight of the world was lifted off of her shoulders. It takes a true friend to allow you to seem them when the are so vulnerable and at their worst and to be honest I didn't even care and I never have. I don't care what state your house is in. I don't care if you haven't showered in a week. I don't care if you've been barfed on or your laundry pile is taller than your refrigerator. I just don't care. What matters to me is that when you look at me and I look at you we only EVER see the very best in each other. I can only hope that on the days when I'm neck deep in the spoils of life that my very best friend can look at me and see THIS: That a good Mom sometimes skips a shower in the morning to take care of a child who is sick because holding them is what they need the most. A good mom says who cares about the dishes when they are holding back the hair of a little one with the flu. A good mom may have a messy playroom because it's full of books and dolls and all sorts of things to stimulate little minds and help them grow. A good mom's counters are covered with scraps from a project that she made to give to those she loves and cares about for Christmas. Not a gift that was just picked up and purchased from the store but a gift that was completely made by hand and crafted with love. These are just a few examples of what I hope that my dear and close friends would see of me in difficult times. It is my goal to only look for the GOOD. I will do better and be better. Another thing I think that good friends do is let things go! Just let it go! If someone has done something to hurt your feelings ... really think about it. Did they do that to intentionally hurt you or not? If someone has offended you then talk to them and let them know. I would never be offended if a friend said to me that I hurt their feelings. I would want to know so that I could do whatever I could to apologize and fix or make up for whatever it is I did wrong. When friends do things and they know they are going to hurt you that is different and, very difficult to digest. I'm struggling with that very thing right now which is the reason I'm having this cathartic escape with the computer. At the end of the day I know what I will and MUST do. I will forgive, I will accept and I will utilize the atonement in my life to get over the hurt and frustration caused. I will also pray for help to make sure that I'm never the cause of such circumstances for someone else. Why not fix the problems in your life with the ultimate example of a Friend? The best and most important friends in your life are going to be those that uplift and inspire you to do and be better. The Savior is a Perfect example of a friend. I am so thankful that my elder Brother Jesus Christ gave his life for ME. He didn't have to do that. He chose to do it. So maybe next time someone is doing something nice for you and you say "You don't have to do that" you can think gosh they don't have to do that but, they are choosing to do it. Well I think I've said all I needed to say. Since I'm home alone tonight w/ 3 sleeping boys I need to get this all off of my chest. Now that I feel much better about my journey. A toast to better friends and more importantly being a better friend. Good night.

Ahh... I missed yesterday. Oh well I'm still doing pretty good. For some reason Todd and Christian are sleeping in his morning it's almost 8am and neither of them are up. Wow, treat for me. Ender had a different Idea this morning so I'm awake. I have a lot to catch up on today and I have to start disinfecting the house after our bout with the flu. Feeling abnormally happy this morning.

Sorry

Well I've been really sick for the last 2 days so, I haven't kept up on my blogging goal. I'm too tired to write now anyway. G-NIGHT

#3 Ender

This pregnancy was in some ways more difficult than the other 2. I started having contractions early in the pregnancy but, this wasn't totally abnormal for me. I started the braxton hicks at like 20 weeks with both the other boys. My blood pressure stayed normal for the entire thing and no sign of protein in the urine so toxemia didn't seem to be an issue this time thank goodness. I was seeing a Doctor in the beginning that I didn't like at all. I was referred to him by a friend. I just didn't like him. I started having heart problems. PVC's premature ventricular contractions. I was sent to a cardiologist early in my pregnancy so that they could monitor my heart throughout the duration of the pregnancy. It was hard to have such serious problems during what should be one of the happiest times of your life. When I first found out I was pregnant I have to admit I wasn't all that thrilled. In fact I just cried. Don't get me wrong I was excited to have a new little baby and to be a Mom for the 3rd time. It was just so close to having Christian and I really had a hard time after Christian was born. Christian was only 6 months old when we found out we were expecting #3. I knew right away that I was pregnant. It didn't take me long to get over my hesitations about having our 3rd so fast. There are certainly benefits. It became difficult towards the end to take care of the house and the boys and I was working as well. It became so painful just to walk, normal chores were just out of the question. I couldn't even do the laundry. Thank goodness to Nate's Mom Jill who came to help us out for a little bit at about 35 weeks. She did all my laundry and would just show up and tell me to take a nap while Christian was napping. It really meant the world to me. It was hard to admit that I needed help and that I couldn't do it on my own. In this case I had no choice. I really was in way over my head. It seemed no matter how much I really wanted to do, I was just physically unable to do it. It sure didn't stop me from trying though. During the 3rd week of June the contractions were coming so often and they just didn't seem to stop. I went into labor and delivery and they were at 5 minutes apart, we were however more than 5 weeks early. They gave me a shot to try to slow down the contractions. They basically knocked me out for 24 hrs. They wanted me to go into see the doc and be checked the next day to see if the contractions were making me dialate or not. When I was checked she said I was dialating but they wanted to see if I could make it until my next appointment which was scheduled on Friday the 26th. 5 days, I wasn't so sure I was going to make it that long. I told the nurse practitioner, that I wasn't sure I was going to make it till Friday. She said, the way things are going and this being your number 3 I'm not so sure you'll make it till tomorrow. Well it was a miracle that I made it till Friday. I assumed it would be a routine appointment. I was still 4 weeks early and I thought there is no way they are going to take me this early. But, I could feel and I knew that Ender was ready. If he hadn't been breach I would have gone into labor much, much sooner. After being checked by the doctor I was at a 3. Not too bad, but I thought oh they are going to send me home and say see you in a week. While I was there though I was having contractions still, Dr. Broberg (I switched doctors in the middle of my pregnancy, thank goodness) said he wanted me to go down to labor and delivery so that they could monitor my contractions. Then he said that we might be having this baby today. I wasn't so sure. You know you get your hopes up so many times only to be sent home or they knock you out to stop the contractions. Well I got into labor and delivery and was monitored for an hour or so. They noticed that the babies heart rate was just through the roof. They do the best they can not to alarm you but, you can tell when something is wrong. I would stay lying down for a while but when I would get up to use the bathroom which was only a few feet away, I would lie back down his heart rate would go nuts. This was enough confirmation for the doctor. It wasn't safe for Ender anymore. If me walking just a couple of feet to the bathroom was doing this to his heart rate he had to come out immediately. The baby was obviously in distress and my body had been telling me this for weeks. What are you supposed to do though when he is breach and you won't go into active labor until his head engages. (Not going to happen when he's upside down) Well by this point Nate was already at the hospital. I called him from work when the doctor sent me to labor and delivery. We weren't prepared. I didn't have my overnight bag or a camera or anything. We certainly were not prepared for what was about to happen. After trying to get people together to help watch our other two boys I was so discouraged. Jill had plans that day to meet with her brother who had a layover in SLC and she hadn't seen him in 4 yrs. She had told me prior to my dr's appointment that this was very important to her and she had been helping me out so much. I couldn't/wouldn't ask her to skip seeing her brother to watch the boys. So we started calling everyone we knew. My best friend Esther was out of town. She took Todd when Christian was born. Nobody seemed to really want to help. Everyone seemed "put out" by us even asking. After contacting everyone we knew I just cried, I was sure I was going to have to have this baby alone while Nate went home to watch the other 2 boys. It all worked out, Nate's brother Tyler was able to sit with the boys for a couple of hours and my friend from the ward called to see how I was doing. She said I was riding my bike past your house and was thinking about you, how are you? She didn't even know it but, tears were streaming down my face as I talked to her on the phone and explained the situation. She said I'd be happy to put the boys to bed and stay with them until Nate gets back. I was so relieved. In a time when I really thought I had nobody to help, Heavenly Father heard my plea and sent help to me. Well as soon as that was all settled they wheeled me into the OR and the anesthesiologist came in and put that long needle into my spine. (This causes so much anxiety for me it's the hardest part about having a baby.) But, it wasn't so terrible. I was numbed up in no time and the baby was out in less than 30 minutes. I didn't know what to expect. Todd and Christian had been so very different from one another I thought for sure that this one would look nothing like the other 2. He came out and started crying a big healthy cry. They showed him to me and he looked identical to Christian. I mean identical. The only difference I could see was he was a little smaller and he had the same stork bite on his forhead that Todd did. They had some help from a respiratory therapist and s few people from the neonatal unit there to assist since the baby was so early. They were cleaning him up and I was watching. He looked pink and healthy and perfect. And, then there was silence. Ender had stopped crying. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I was still being worked on, I was completely numb and utterly helpless. He turned completely blue right in front of my eyes. They were frantically working on him trying to get him to breathe. It didn't seem to be working. Then the anesthesiologist stepped in front of me so that I couldn't see anymore. I was so scared. I was just praying so hard, please don't take him. I worked so hard to get him here, you just gave him to us. I'm not ready to let go yet. The room was so cold and silent, then they were able to resuscitate him and they whisked him off to the NICU. I'll follow up w/ the next blog about the rest of this. It is bringing back too many difficult memories and I need a break.

Thanksgiving

Yeah, the pathology report came back today and its clear. No cancerous cells found at this time. He want's to see me in 6 months to repeat the tests and check for growth. Gosh, this is such a relief. All week all I could think about was my grandma and how sick she was for so long. She lived for like 8-10 yrs with a trach because of cancer in her throat and now here I am only 28 and fearing the same thing. I am so relieved. This doesn't mean I'm completely out of the woods but, it does mean I can sleep well and just move forward. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You. There is still a lesson to be learned in this. I have no control over what is going to happen. I only have control over how I react and the way I feel. Which kind of means I do have all of the control. A super thanks to my Father in Heaven who knows me and hears my prayers and watches over and protects my family. What a comfort! I couldn't have been blessed with a better life. I have the best Husband and the cutest kids ever. I am truly overwhelmed with gratitude. Happy Turkey Month.

My parents visit in August.

My parents came out in August to see the kids and Ender. It was a blast. I only wish we had more time. My Dad and Nate spent most of the time in the basement doing the drywall. Next time they come I hope we get to spend less time working and more time playing. I really miss my parents. They are such good people and they have the biggest hearts. While they were here they did a great job of spoiling the boys. Toys and treats and a giant wooden swingset with a slide and a little play house. My mom even got them a water table thing to play with. I tried to talk my Mom out of spending so much but, it didn't work. She and my Dad feel bad that they can help my siblings with their kids but now ours because we are so far away. So I guess they were trying to make up for it all at once. :) My Mom finally said; "Stephanie, you need to let your Father and I do this." She explained that it makes them feel like they are helping in someway. They kids just fell in love with them and kids really seem to like my Dad. Pappy became the cat's meow. Even now months later when we need something from the basement Todd asks if pappy is down there. lol. My Dad had his b-day while he was here so we took him to Ruby River for a steak, we had a good time out. It was nice.