Friendship

I've been having a lot of struggles lately, not with anything super major or life threatening or scary. I'm just trying to figure out why I end up in friendships that often seem so one sided. How is it that things seem to only go one way. To be honest I think I'm a fun and interesting person to hang out with. I never seemed to have a problem finding friends when I was in High School or even college. Maybe I should say that I do have a few friends but, all of my really good and true and honest friends seem to live far away. My entire life I've had a "best friend" that "bosom friend" like Anne of Green Gables. When you do have friends like this I then you really have to treasure them. Of course I have an awesome relationship with my husband and ultimately Nate is my very best and closest friend. Sometimes though you just need a "girl-friend". The kind of friendship that is effortless to maintain because you are always willing to do anything for them. You know that they would be there for you when your in a pickle. Maybe I should just stop trying to be best friends with family because that is where all the frustration and heart ache seems to come from anyway. Maybe the problem is just ME. Maybe, thats the answer. Maybe I'm not a good friend, or maybe I don't know how to be a good friend. This can't be right, I've always been a loyal and giving and compassionate friend. I genuinely care about people and what they are going through. I pray for my friends when they are struggling and I hurt when they are hurting. I just don't understand. I was able to spend the entire day with a "bosom friend" between the 2 of us we have a bunch of kids. :) She was having a difficult time, her family is just getting over the flu, her house was a disaster, she is supposed to leave for a 2 week trip tomorrow morning and she wasn't packed, laundry wasn't done and she was overwhelmed. I just happened to have all the kids up and ready really early this morning and when she called at 9am we were out the door w/in 15 minutes and even though she lives an hour away we all went. I took soup, childrens's tylenol and motrin, I also took chocolate chip cookies I made yesterday. I got there and the kids started playing in the play room and I rolled up my sleeves and went to work. I was there 6 hours and by the end of the day the work was all done and she was all packed and by looking at her you could see that the weight of the world was lifted off of her shoulders. It takes a true friend to allow you to seem them when the are so vulnerable and at their worst and to be honest I didn't even care and I never have. I don't care what state your house is in. I don't care if you haven't showered in a week. I don't care if you've been barfed on or your laundry pile is taller than your refrigerator. I just don't care. What matters to me is that when you look at me and I look at you we only EVER see the very best in each other. I can only hope that on the days when I'm neck deep in the spoils of life that my very best friend can look at me and see THIS: That a good Mom sometimes skips a shower in the morning to take care of a child who is sick because holding them is what they need the most. A good mom says who cares about the dishes when they are holding back the hair of a little one with the flu. A good mom may have a messy playroom because it's full of books and dolls and all sorts of things to stimulate little minds and help them grow. A good mom's counters are covered with scraps from a project that she made to give to those she loves and cares about for Christmas. Not a gift that was just picked up and purchased from the store but a gift that was completely made by hand and crafted with love. These are just a few examples of what I hope that my dear and close friends would see of me in difficult times. It is my goal to only look for the GOOD. I will do better and be better. Another thing I think that good friends do is let things go! Just let it go! If someone has done something to hurt your feelings ... really think about it. Did they do that to intentionally hurt you or not? If someone has offended you then talk to them and let them know. I would never be offended if a friend said to me that I hurt their feelings. I would want to know so that I could do whatever I could to apologize and fix or make up for whatever it is I did wrong. When friends do things and they know they are going to hurt you that is different and, very difficult to digest. I'm struggling with that very thing right now which is the reason I'm having this cathartic escape with the computer. At the end of the day I know what I will and MUST do. I will forgive, I will accept and I will utilize the atonement in my life to get over the hurt and frustration caused. I will also pray for help to make sure that I'm never the cause of such circumstances for someone else. Why not fix the problems in your life with the ultimate example of a Friend? The best and most important friends in your life are going to be those that uplift and inspire you to do and be better. The Savior is a Perfect example of a friend. I am so thankful that my elder Brother Jesus Christ gave his life for ME. He didn't have to do that. He chose to do it. So maybe next time someone is doing something nice for you and you say "You don't have to do that" you can think gosh they don't have to do that but, they are choosing to do it. Well I think I've said all I needed to say. Since I'm home alone tonight w/ 3 sleeping boys I need to get this all off of my chest. Now that I feel much better about my journey. A toast to better friends and more importantly being a better friend. Good night.